Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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