y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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