Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
