i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
