UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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