Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
