It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
