I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
