he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
