You really coming over, don't trick.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
