piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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