Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
