i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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