i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
