I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
