I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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