i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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