Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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