The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
