I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
