i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
