I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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