Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
