You smell like a Billy Joel song
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
