I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just found puke in my bra..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As shirtless as possible
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
