Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
