fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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