You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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