did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize