someone owes me an orgasm
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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