He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
