I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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