so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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