My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
