Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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