she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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