she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
