I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize