Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
