i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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