I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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