I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
