I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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