Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
