i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
