There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
