Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
