Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
