Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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