Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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