Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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