you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
