BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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