did you get engaged???
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
