my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
