sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
