I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
