So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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