i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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