they need to just BURY HIM!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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