I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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