I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
