Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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