hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
