is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
