well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
