I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
