god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
