there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
