oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
