Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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