with your own penis?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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