My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
