Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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