I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can you bring me the toilet please
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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