Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
