So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
