Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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