You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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