i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
