I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
