he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
