I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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