she was so not down for the gang bang
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
