Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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