you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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