like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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