Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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