Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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