I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
