TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize