Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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