What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
