One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
