My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
