I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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