Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
false alarm, still single
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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