btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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