God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I love you.
Bad choice
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
