There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize