How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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